"I will seek that which was lost, and bring again that which was driven away, and will bind that which was broken, and will strengthen that which was sick." Ezekiel 34:16
I fed her God's word, Scripture after Scripture. Within a few months Keren started to apply God's word to her life. The gate was opened and all of a sudden she saw a way out. Keren spread her wings and flew out before I realized it. She started to interact on a Christian chat room, while fellowshipping with others. God was doing a great work in her life. With intercessory prayer, support and guidance of her family, others and myself, Keren turned completely to the Lord for help.
Dr. Trudy Veerman
To the Lord our God belong mercies and forgiveness, though we have rebelled against Him. Daniel 9:9
(I just added the scriptures)
I was born in 1970 into a Christian family in Wales. I am the second daughter of four girls. We were all given Christian names and I was called Keren - after one of Jobs daughters in the Old Testament.
My parents actually set up a Church in our home and they were heavily involved in the church's activities. I became a Christian at the age of nine. I said the prayer you are "supposed" to say and I also later got baptized. Up until the age of 18, I was involved in the music and drama ministries and I also taught in the Sunday School. My whole life revolved around the church.
The reason I am telling you all of this is to explain that I actually had an excellent grounding in the Christian faith. However, it was all intellectual knowledge. I didn't actually experience it. It wasn't real to me. I was talking about it but I wasn't actually living it or feeling it. However, I didn't know this at the time. We can convince ourselves we have the real thing, when we actually don't. We don't even realize this until we are fully anointed by the power of the Holy Spirit and then discover the full power of Jesus and the Christian faith. It was going to take me nearly 13 years to discover this truth for myself.
At 18 years of age, everything in my life changed. I left home and more significantly I left Jesus. When we leave Jesus, a big, raw gaping hole is left within us spiritually and something has to fill it. It was at the age of 18, that a terrible depression gripped me. I was then to periodically suffer from horrific, disabling times of deep depression which would last for 4 months at a time over the following 13 years.
Correction is grievous unto him that forsaketh the way. Proverbs 15:10
Over the next 13 years, you can say that I led an interesting life. I was a musician and an actress. I ran off and joined the circus. I squatted in London with a bunch of creative, lost souls. I went to Film School. I got a scholarship to Massachusetts and studied music and theatre for a while. I got into a lot of dodgy, empty relationships. I was just looking for the next escape route, the next best thing, the next ego boost.
But it was never ever satisfying, and with the highs I would also naturally experience the lows. I would have suicidal thoughts and not go out of the house or talk to anybody. Sometimes I wouldn't even get out of bed at all, and I often wore the same black outfit for months on end. I was in real torment full of desperation, despair and self-loathing.
How long wilt thou go about, O thou backsliding daughter? Jeremiah 31:22
Through all of this I was not interested in Jesus and a Christian lifestyle at all. I ridiculed it, thinking it was only for boring people who used it as a crutch. I couldn't understand how people could actually believe in somebody they couldn't even see.
I thought returning to the Christian Faith would be far too restrictive. I didn't want to give up my freedom for a set of rules and regulations. It's funny though - because I wasn't even free in the life I was leading. I was so wrapped up in bondage I couldn't even see it at the time. I was also very angry with my parents and my Church upbringing, because I blamed them for my naive, over-trusting nature at times which I thought had caused me a lot of problems.
It is very easy to blame Jesus, or something He represented when things don't work out how we want them to. God gives us a free will to make all of our own decisions. He is the perfect Gentleman and will only enter our life if we open our door to Him. So it was very wrong of me to pass the responsibility back just because things weren't working out as I had planned.
Anyway, on November 21st 1998, everything changed and I had a big wake up call. I was nearly murdered.
My soul is full of troubles: and my life draweth nigh unto the grave. Psalm 88:3
My boyfriend and I had been to the Welsh Film Festival where they were showing one of my short films. We both drank a lot of alcohol, and at the after show party, he began to get verbally abusive with me. So we left and went home. When we got home, he went mad. The devil possessed him and he was consumed with an evil spirit, which had the strength of ten men. This spirit was determined to kill me. In hindsight, I know now that there was a spiritual battle going on between God and the devil - and there was only going to be one winner. They were fighting over my soul and my future.
In the middle of the attack, I knew that I was going to need a miracle to get out of this alive, and so I screamed out to God to save me. It was the first time I had prayed in years. The attacker mocked me and said: "You left God years ago - He's not going to hear you now." Well, let me tell you - God did.
Deliver me in Thy righteousness, and cause me to escape. Psalm 71:2
The police couldn't understand how I survived. But I did - Praise God. My ex-boyfriend eventually got sentenced to five and a half years in prison. I held a certain Judge responsible for the delay in his sentencing, because a month after the attack he had given "x" bail - so that he could spend Christmas with his sister. I hated this Judge with a deep bitterness and anger, and used to fantasize about how to torment him.
Anyway, although I told people after the attack that God had saved me from being murdered - and I did believe it in my heart, it would be another 2 years and 3 months in the wilderness, until I actually made the life changing decision which brought me to this wonderful place.
Save me, O God; for the waters are come in unto my soul. Psalm 69:1
In August 2000 I got depressed again. This was not unusual - because I was almost expectant of it now - because I had had such a history of it. This time, however, unknown to me, I had intercessors praying that I wouldn't be released from this stronghold of depression until I came out walking with Jesus.
A few significant things happened. My sister brought the video "Transformations" for me to watch. I was completely amazed by the Pastor in South America who had been murdered because of the opposition he had against the drug barons. We saw real footage of his dead body on the side of the road, with the most peaceful prayer being said above his body.
His wife said: "It is well with my soul." This had a really profound effect on me. This couple had been so in love, he had died because he had been serving God and his wife had the strength to be able to say this. Where did this level of forgiveness and peace come from?
Bring my soul out of prison, that I may praise Thy name. Psalm 142:7
I spent New Year's Eve 2000 in a African church just outside London in a place called Reading. I was still not leaving the house at this point but my sister invited me down to spend New Year's day with her, and we ended up in her church. I had a really beautiful time, and when the altar call was given, I felt convicted to go forward for healing. I was anointed with oil and prayed over. But even then, I didn't recommit my life to Jesus. I was so fearful and stubborn, I was determined not to do it.
After I got back to Wales, I began to really study the Bible. I read all about the healings Jesus performed in the New Testament and how he always, without fail, delivered people. I had been told by doctors for the last 13 years, take medication, have some therapy and you will be able to learn to live with depression. But Jesus was saying: "I have come to give you life and to give it more abundantly." I really clung to this, and wondered if it could really be true. Was it really this easy?
He delivereth and rescueth, and He worketh signs and wonders in heaven and in earth. Daniel 6:27.
I can't even remember how, but God led me to Dr.Trudy Veerman's Website. It was an incredible experience. I was able to speak to Dr. Trudy in a way which only a trained person could understand. She told me I was in spiritual bondage, and that I could be released. That I had to rebuke this stronghold of mental illness that I had been labelled with and burdened. She was so supportive, and began to give me hope. It is all about HOPE and LOVE.
Later, I was led by God to a Christian chat room, where I received the most incredible fellowship and witnessing. I could ask all the questions I had burning up inside of me, and nobody could see me or judge me. I liked and needed the anonymity the Web gave me.
One day, in the chat room, a woman called "Anointed" spoke to me. She told me that God had sent her to me , and that she wanted to fast for me from March 1st to the 3rd. I felt these dates were significant, because March 1st is St. David's Day - our Welsh National Day. I also knew that she had been sent to stop me running.
I had been running for 13 years and I knew I had to face up to Jesus once and for all. I told her that I would also join her in the fast. That was on the Friday. Well the following Tuesday 27th February 2001, at 2am I gave my heart back to Jesus, and made peace with my Maker. I had been in the chat room all night, and a woman came in asking if she could speak to me about her abusive relationship with her husband.
The Holy Spirit was in our midst, because when we started speaking to each other - through God, we helped to deliver each other and we had intercessory prayer for each other - it was amazing. I had an anointing for 2 hours in the middle of Cyber space. It was incredible. I felt that warm, healing oil was running all over my body. Healing me both emotionally and spiritually.
He raiseth up the poor out of the dust, and lifteth up the beggar from the dunghill. 1 Samuel 2:8
I was ecstatic - I had been completely delivered - Praise God. I said on the screen straight away: "I have been gently rescued from the devil's evil grip." I kid you not, at that precise moment somebody called "Sarah" came into the chat room.
For the next 45 minutes - (I timed it), she held her finger on the repeat button and this is what she said. "Know that satan always wins no matter how hard you fight he always conquers." It was such an attack - it confirmed to me that I had really been under the grip of something demonic for the past 13 years.
I began to rebuke it in the name of Jesus, plead the blood of Jesus, and finally after I said "Repent or leave" over and over again - she finally left.
To proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound. Isaiah 61:1
After I give my heart back to the Lord, on 27th February, 2001, a Community Nurse was supposed to be calling that afternoon. I prayed to God: "God if I have been completely and utterly released from this bondage, don't let her come." Well she didn't , and she didn't contact me for three weeks! When she eventually did - I was very different. She wanted to know how this miracle had happened. I told her to come and see me on my day off from work.
I prayed all morning about whether I should tell her the truth... and so God answered me. I spent an hour and a half educating her about how Jesus is the ONLY way to be freed - not medication and a small negative chat once every three months about learning to live with it.
She told me I had given her food for thought. I said to her that she had better start retraining, because after I had finished the job God wants me to do - spreading the Good news of the healing Jesus can perform on the mentally ill - she will be out of a job then! Praise the Lord!
He saved them for His name's sake, that He might make His mighty power to be known. Psalm 106:8
Since then the angels have been rejoicing in Heaven. My parents and elder sister cried with joy. My father kept saying: "Can you feel the peace - it is so peaceful." I can honestly say that my life in every way - career, housing, friendship has completely transformed - for the better. The ONLY answer is Jesus. It is not about Him being a crutch - it is because He is the ONLY way to have a fulfilling life of abundance.
Jesus says: "I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. John 10:10
What do you call people who use shopping, drugs, alcohol, sex as a way of making themselves feel good? I would call these crutches, but unfortunately they also have serious side effects. Debt, addictions, sexual diseases. The only side effects of giving your heart to Jesus, is peace, freedom, love which will blow your mind. Don't delay, stop running, and claim your healing now.
Lord Jesus release Your healing now, release Your healing Lord and open up our eyes to see that You are the ONLY Way. Thank You, Lord Jesus for being so patient and waiting for me and thank You for the incredible Sacrifice You gave to give me complete freedom. Amen!
Fear not; for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. When thou passes through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee. Isaiah 43: 1b,2a.
I am the Lord thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. Exodus 20:2
In February, 2004, I received the following update from Keren.
In the three years since my meeting with the Lord, God has completely restored my life just as He promised He would. I ran a Christian Bookshop for two years which I thoroughly enjoyed, and through that I met Mark, who became my husband. Then, last September we gave birth to Grace - a wonderful little girl, and a total blessing from the Lord.
So God has given me a wonderful husband and a beautiful daughter. I haven't suffered from depression again, and have learned my authority in Christ to take hold of situations. I have discovered that I have a prophetic gifting and have also discovered how wonderful it is to worship and praise God. Mark and I are just waiting on the Lord now to see what He wants us to do for Him. Praise the Lord for His redeeming power and His saving grace. Thank You Lord!
Copyright © Dr.Trudy Veerman, 1996-2014. All rights reserved.